my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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