I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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