Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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