and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize