I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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