I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
