Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
