Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
