Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize