I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize