I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
