Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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