Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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