Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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