I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
