Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
