the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
