So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
