I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
