Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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