my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What a dumb baby whore.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
