kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
