I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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