Did you just see the Batmobile???
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
