This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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