I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Semen is not good for contacts.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
