She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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