Where is the hickey?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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