would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize