I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
