If i come over, it means nothing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
