Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish my penis had an off switch
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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