And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
