we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
