WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
