i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
