her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
