What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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