i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
