I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
