Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Alive.
So much puke
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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