Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
