Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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