i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
