so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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