turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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