Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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