Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
