Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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