He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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