I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
