last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
