my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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