I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
