the condom got lost in my hair
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
