Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
