I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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