I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
