i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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