she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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