yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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