Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
