Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
