dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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