i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
