That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
