I wanna passion pit in your ass
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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