You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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