eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
