i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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