Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
