Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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