TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
