Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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