Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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