Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
