I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
