the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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